John Bunyan (Part 1)
Grace Abounding To The Chief Of Sinners
John Bunyan (1628-1688) the 17th century Puritan is probably best known to us for being the author of the classic Christian allegory Pilgrim’s Progress. However, what many people don’t know is that Bunyan also wrote a spiritual autobiography (while serving 12 years in prison for preaching the gospel) called ‘Grace Abounding To The Chief of Sinners’ (the shortened title!). He starts his book by looking back on his life before he was a believer and drawing the line of God’s providential grace through his story. In doing so Bunyan also gives us an insight and reminder to what our hearts were like before we were saved, utterly corrupt and seeking only evil despite God’s common grace in our lives. Some professing believers when recounting their lives before their conversion sound like they are revelling in their former sins. This is not the case with Bunyan, instead he exalts God for even choosing someone as sinful as him, ‘the chief of sinners’ and not someone from noble birth. In other words there was nothing redeemable about John Bunyan and nothing he could offer God in order to be saved. Yet God in his mercy saved him! May we wonder at how God could ever do the same for us.
We too can look back and see some of God’s providences in our lives before we knew him. We can see the providences that God used to bring about our conversion and also ways in which he has used our choices (even sinful ones) and experiences to make us useful servants in his kingdom. Many of us can look back at seemingly insignificant choices such as what subjects we chose to study at school or where we went to university to significant events such as illnesses or accidents and see God’s hand in it all. How profound it is that God is able to weave together everything in our lives for his purposes and glory.
This excerpt does not end with Bunyan’s conversion but dwells on his continued sinfulness in his pre-converted state. In this we are reminded of how sin not only corrupts us but it dulls our minds and prevents us from seeing God. Time and time again God brought situations about in Bunyan’s life to make him look heavenward and yet sin had such a grip on him that even after a near death experience he went right back to his sinful ways. This again magnifies our sinfulness and God’s grace and mercy. When we begin to realise just how sinful we are it causes us to see that it is only through faith in Jesus Christ that we can be cleansed from our sins and made new. It is to that Saviour that John Bunyan would eventually turn.
In this my relation of the merciful working of God upon my soul, it will not be amiss, if, in the first place, I do, in a few words, give you a hint of my pedigree, and manner of bringing up; that thereby the goodness and bounty of God towards me, may be the more advanced and magnified before the sons of men. For my descent then, it was, as is well known by many, of a low and inconsiderable generation; my father’s house being of that rank that is meanest and most despised of all the families in the land. Wherefore I have not here, as others, to boast of noble blood, or of a high-born state, according to the flesh; though, all things considered, I magnify the heavenly Majesty, for that by this door He brought me into this world, to partake of the grace and life that is in Christ by the gospel. But yet, notwithstanding the meanness and inconsiderableness of my parents, it pleased God to put it into their hearts to put me to school, to learn both to read and write; the which I also attained, according to the rate of other poor men’s children; though, to my shame I confess, I did soon lose that little I learned, and that even almost utterly, and that long before the Lord did work His gracious work of conversion upon my soul.
As for my own natural life, for the time that I was without God in the world, it was indeed according to the course of this world, and ‘the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience’ (Ephesians 2: 2, 3). It was my delight to be ‘taken captive by the devil at his will’ (II Timothy 2:26). Being filled with all unrighteousness, the which did also so strongly work and put forth itself, both in my heart and life, and that from a child, that I had but few equals, especially considering my years, which were tender, being few, both for cursing, swearing, lying, and blaspheming the holy name of God.
Yea, so settled and rooted was I in these things, that they became as a second nature to me; the which, as I also have with soberness considered since, did so offend the Lord, that even in my childhood He did scare and affright me with fearful dreams, and did terrify me with dreadful visions; for often, after I had spent this and the other day in sin, I have in my bed been greatly afflicted, while asleep, with the apprehensions of devils and wicked spirits, who still, as I then thought, laboured to draw me away with them, of which I could never be rid.
Also I should, at these years, be greatly afflicted and troubled with the thoughts of the day of judgment, and that both night and day, and should tremble at the thoughts of the fearful torments of hell fire; still fearing that it would be my lot to be found at last amongst those devils and hellish fiends, who are there bound down with the chains and bonds of eternal darkness, ‘unto the judgment of the great day.’
These things, I say, when I was but a child but nine or ten years old, did so distress my soul, that when in the midst of my many sports and childish vanities, amidst my vain companions, I was often much cast down and afflicted in my mind therewith, yet could I not let go my sins. Yea, I was also then so overcome with despair of life and heaven, that I should often wish either that there had been no hell, or that I had been a devil—supposing they were only tormentors; that if it must needs be that I went thither, I might be rather a tormentor, than be tormented myself.
A while after, these terrible dreams did leave me, which also I soon forgot; for my pleasures did quickly cut off the remembrance of them, as if they had never been: wherefore, with more greediness, according to the strength of nature, I did still let loose the reins to my lusts, and delighted in all transgression against the law of God: so that, until I came to the state of marriage, I was the very ringleader of all the youth that kept me company, into all manner of vice and ungodliness.
Yea, such prevalency (commonness) had the lusts and fruits of the flesh in this poor soul of mine, that had not a miracle of precious grace prevented, I had not only perished by the stroke of eternal justice, but had also laid myself open, even to the stroke of those laws, which bring some to disgrace and open shame before the face of the world.
In these days, the thoughts of religion were very grievous to me; I could neither endure it myself, nor that any other should; so that, when I have seen some read in those books that concerned Christian piety, it would be as it were a prison to me. Then I said unto God, ‘Depart from me, for I desire not the knowledge of thy ways’ (Job 21:14). I was now void of all good consideration, heaven and hell were both out of sight and mind; and as for saving and damning, they were least in my thoughts. O Lord, thou knowest my life, and my ways were not hid from Thee.
Yet this I well remember, that though I could myself sin with the greatest delight and ease, and also take pleasure in the vileness of my companions; yet, even then, if I have at any time seen wicked things, by those who professed goodness, it would make my spirit tremble. As once, above all the rest, when I was in my height of vanity, yet hearing one to swear that was reckoned for a religious man, it had so great a stroke upon my spirit, that it made my heart to ache.
But God did not utterly leave me, but followed me still, not now with convictions, but judgments; yet, such as were mixed with mercy. For once I fell into a creek of the sea, and hardly escaped drowning. Another time I fell out of a boat into Bedford river, but mercy yet preserved me alive. Besides, another time, being in the field with one of my companions, it chanced that an adder passed over the highway; so I, having a stick in my hand, struck her over the back; and having stunned her, I forced open her mouth with my stick, and plucked her sting out with my fingers, by which act, had not God been merciful, I might, by my desperateness, have brought myself to mine end.
This also have I taken notice of with thanksgiving; when I was a soldier, I, with others, were drawn out to go to such a place to besiege it; but when I was just ready to go, one of the company desired to go in my room; to which, when I had consented, he took my place; and coming to the siege, as he stood sentinel, he was shot into the head with a musket bullet, and died.
Here, as I said, were judgments and mercy, but neither of them did awaken my soul to righteousness; wherefore I sinned still, and grew more and more rebellious against God, and careless of mine own salvation.
Recommended Reading from John Bunyan
Pligrim’s Progress
The Holy War
